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Chase Mitchell
Emmy-losing writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
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Chase Mitchell 10h
News says the snow is 5.5 inches, but they're probably measuring from the base to make it sound bigger.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 26
I want to be "sleep through a first-class flight" rich.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 26
Everyone knows blizzards are just a scam perpetrated by the bread and water industry.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 25
"Here are 17 pieces of paper" - movie ticket kiosks
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Chase Mitchell Jan 25
Having a girlfriend is awesome if your endgame is to live in an apartment full of hair ties.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 25
Don't forget to spice up the title of your hot sex book with the word "Gray."
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Chase Mitchell Jan 23
So I guess the answer to "Who buys this crap?" was "no one."
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
How much money do I have to make to look as uncomfortable in my shirts as Mark Cuban
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
"The State Of The ONION is Strong" - good headline for The Onion, let me know if u want to hire me
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
Cool to see Joni Ernst cut out the middle man by just being Vanessa Bayer in a wig.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
I hope Obama is signing all those autographs "Have a great summer"
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
And now, a hog farmer.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 20
We're all just living in the worst option from someone else's House Hunters episode.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 19
American Sniper is number one at the box office, just like Martin Luther King would have wanted.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 18
Wow what an incredible comeback. (I am watching The Comeback.)
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Chase Mitchell Jan 16
Dude in the bathroom looked at me like he'd never seen someone pee four feet away from the urinal with his pants around his ankles before.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 13
"Ms. Deschanel, your pregnancy has had some adorkable complications."
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Chase Mitchell Jan 13
I bet Woody Allen agreeing to write and direct a show for Amazon started with him trying to order a Sodastream.
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Chase Mitchell Jan 11
"Trop 50: We Legally Can't Call It Orange Juice!"
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Chase Mitchell Jan 11
Also associated with boyhood: Richard Linklater's haircut
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